When the Breath Isn't the Answer: Mindful Alternatives for Women in Menopause
For many of us, breathing meditations are our first encounter with mindfulness meditation, drawing attention to each inhale and exhale, using the breath as an “anchor” to steady the mind. Breathwork is central not just to meditation, but to yoga, Qigong, and many holistic practices that help us feel grounded and connected. But what if that doesn’t work for you?
What if focusing on the breath feels anything but calming?
If you’ve ever found breathing exercises unsettling or even triggering, you’re not alone. While breath is often a helpful gateway into mindfulness, for some, especially women navigating the complex changes of menopause, it can have the opposite effect. Breath awareness can heighten feelings of anxiety, bring on discomfort, or clash with conditions like asthma, long COVID, or a history of trauma. And in menopause, where physical and emotional shifts are already at play, that sense of unease can feel magnified.
The good news? Breath isn’t the only path inward.
Through my personal experience with clients and training in trauma-informed mindfulness with Dr Tim Duerden, I found more gentle, effective alternatives to breath-based practices that support grounding, ease, and presence, without the pressure to “just breathe” when breathing feels challenging.
Grounding: Why It Matters
We live in a world that rewards the yang: productivity, long hours, constant motion. It’s a culture that glorifies hustle, where success is measured by how much you can juggle in a single day. But too much yang, unchecked and overextended, can lead to anxiety, restlessness, and a sense that you’re running on fumes.
Now, layer on the transition of perimenopause. In Chinese Medicine, this phase is marked by a natural decline in Yin, the cooling, nourishing, moistening force in the body. Yin is what grounds us, calms the mind, and tempers the fire of relentless activity. When Yin is deficient, symptoms like insomnia, hot flashes, mood swings, and mental overwhelm can take center stage.
In my practice, I see this pattern over and over: women who've spent years pushing through, skimping on sleep, overachieving, never stopping. They’ve depleted their internal fluids without realizing it. A telltale sign? Feeling tired but wired. Often, these women don't even recognize what it feels like to be genuinely tired, they’ve been running on caffeine and adrenaline for so long. And the moment they finally take a break, on vacation or during a weekend off, they crash. Their bodies seize the opportunity to rest, often by getting sick.
This is the moment where we need a different approach, not more effort, but more ease. Grounding meditation practices, especially those not reliant on breathwork (which can feel challenging when the nervous system is on high alert), can gently nourish the Yin. These practices are not just a spiritual nicety; they are a biological necessity. Alongside supportive changes in diet and lifestyle, they help rebuild the reservoir of calm and resilience that midlife demands.
Anchors Outside the Body
Focusing on an anchor outside the body, like sounds, can be deeply grounding. Whether it’s the distant hum of traffic, birdsong drifting through an open window, or the murmur of people nearby, sounds can serve as a steady backdrop for awareness.
Letting your awareness rest on the arising and fading of sounds around you without needing to label, chase, or resist the sound. Let the sounds come and go, like waves on a shoreline, each one unique, each one passing.
One of my clients shared how sound became a lifeline during her high-anxiety days:
“Tuning into sounds worked for me. I listen to the waves at the beach. My breathing matched the rhythm of the waves, and I felt so much better.”
And for those far from the ocean? Videos of waves help too. A pair of headphones, close your eyes and you're there.”
This kind of non-invasive, receptive awareness is a beautiful way to nourish Yin, calming the overtaxed nervous system without forcing your way into relaxation.
Visual Anchors for Meditation
While we often associate meditation with closed eyes, some people find it more calming with their eyes open, especially if internal sensations feel too intense. Visual anchors offer an alternative: a quiet candle flame or a fixed point in the room. Gently rest your gaze without fixing or straining. Watch the light flicker, observe the subtle textures or stillness, and let your awareness settle into the moment without needing to do anything.
Using Other Body Parts As Anchors
Sometimes, especially in trauma-sensitive or high anxiety settings, focusing on the breath can feel overwhelming rather than calming. In these moments, it can be helpful to gently shift attention away from the chest area to areas of the body or sensations that feel more neutral or even pleasant.
One approach is to bring awareness to the feet. Simply notice any sensations in the feet. Perhaps there's a subtle warmth, a tingling, or a sense of contact with the floor. Choose one foot and rest your attention there for a few moments. If that feels okay, you can slowly move your attention upward, through the ankles, calves, knees, and so on, only as far as feels comfortable.
Another option is to notice where your body makes contact with the chair or floor. Feel the weight, pressure, and temperature where your body rests. There's no need to change anything, just notice. This kind of awareness can create a sense of support and groundedness.
Gentle touch can also offer comfort. Placing a hand over your heart or belly, if that feels safe, can bring a soothing sense of connection. Feel the warmth of your hand, the rise and fall of your body, and let that be your anchor.
Walking meditation is another powerful alternative when the breath focus is too much. You don’t need much space. Simply choose a small area in your room and walk very slowly, mindfully placing the toe, then the heel, of one foot, and then the other. Let your attention rest fully on the movement and the contact with the ground. This simple act can help bring you back into your body and into the present moment.
A Softer Way In: Noticing the Breath Through the Back of the Body
A gentle alternative that allows us to stay connected to the breath without placing attention on the front of the body.
Instead, try bringing awareness to the back of the body. You might notice subtle movements in the lower back, or the way the breath causes a gentle expansion and softening around the shoulder blades or back ribs.
This approach offers a sense of grounding without pressure. It can be particularly comforting when resting against a chair or the floor, where the back of the body naturally receives support.
Give it a try. Sit or lie down, and gently rest your attention on the back of your body. Notice any movement, warmth, or rhythm. No need to force or fix anything.
Experiment gently. Be curious about what arises. And remember, your anchor is a tool to help you feel more present; find the one that supports you.
What's Your Experience with the Breath in Meditation?
Have you ever struggled with the breath in meditation? Is there anything you have found helpful? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.
We’d love you to join us.
Clarissa xo
Finally! Someone said it! Thanks, Clarissa.