Silence: Sometimes Golden and Sometimes Not
Learn when silence is golden, and when it’s valuable to “make waves”
In our urban, busy world, silence can certainly be golden. Amidst the constant hum of traffic, the chatter of television sets, and the general buzz of modern life, finding outer silence has become a rare and precious commodity. Our daily routines are often interrupted by the pinging of messages on our devices and the humming of appliances, creating a constant backdrop of sound.
These days, we must actively seek out quiet spaces. They are there if we look for them.
I remember the bi-weekly ritual of leaving my apartment with my last dog, Owen. Owen, who was old and grumpy at 85 in human years, needed places that avoided other dogs and small children—quite a challenge in a café-obsessed beachside suburb of Sydney. However, we discovered a small, recently restored nature reserve up the road. This pristine bush, tucked away in the city, was green, tranquil, and blissfully silent.
Finding such serene spots often requires effort. We may have to travel out of town or wake up early to catch the stillness we need. I am fortunate to live in the countryside for now, where I enjoy meditating at 5 am with only the birds for company in the summer and profound silence during the Nordic winter as nature sleeps.
Increasingly, scientists are highlighting the detrimental effects of noise pollution on our health. Studies suggest a link between noise and heart health, and medical evidence indicates that silence offers significant benefits, such as:
Boosting the immune system
Lowering blood pressure
Reducing stress hormones like cortisol
Aiding hormone regulation
Maintaining brain health
These benefits are valuable to us if we are perimenopausal or menopausal, given our heightened risk of cardiovascular disease, brain fog, and the impact of stress on our system, which makes every symptom seem much worse.
Inner Silence
But we can cultivate another form of silence: "inner" silence through meditation. This deep, quiet space within us can help ground us and release stress. In this inner silence, we can be present, accept everything as it is, and connect more deeply with ourselves. It's an opportunity to experience fostering rejuvenation, self-compassion, and connection to our body and soul.
These benefits are especially beneficial during perimenopause. Too often, we want to fight against change rather than accept it. So much of this is embedded into the patriarchal culture that pervades how we view aging as something to be feared.
The modern medical system has trained us to quickly paper over any pain or discomfort rather than using it as a signal to explore the root causes of our menopause symptoms. It doesn’t mean we must accept suffering, but we can meet perimenopause and our experiences with greater acceptance, kindness, and resilience.
I use a meditation practice called Listening to Sounds to train our minds to be with things we can’t control. I feel personally that this is a valuable practice for women in perimenopause and menopause.
It is not about becoming calm but about teaching and supporting us to become more resilient in responding to symptoms. Like sounds, our symptoms are not as fixed and solid as we believe them to be; they are more fluid in nature. Learning to meet them differently and live in the flow allows us to have perspective on them and a greater ability to manage them, often with less tension that can contribute to their intensity.
Let me know if you have tried the meditation. What did you notice about your relationship with sound, and do you feel a subtle shift towards more curiosity around your menopause experiences and an ability to see how they are more fluid in nature and that feeling less tense is supporting you to meet and manage them with greater ease and kindness?
When Silence Not Golden,
Not all silence is golden, and as we go through menopause and age, women must make waves in the muddy pond if we are to be heard, respected, and permitted to take up our rightful place as wiser elders.
For so long, women’s voices have been silenced. Even in the recent McKinsey report on Women at Work, a significant proportion of senior corporate women reported routinely being talked over, and their ideas were ignored in meetings.
We know that as women, it is common for us to be gaslit by clinicians, and we can go multiple times to providers even to be heard, let alone supported. When I worked at the Women Health Research Institute in Sydney, supporting women living with severe gynecological pain, the common thread was that women had sought help for severe pain 8 or more times, always being told it was in their heads. Similar stories abound among menopausal women and contribute to making this time of life more challenging than is necessary.
Speaking up, standing our ground, and saying No is critical to thriving through menopause. For too many of us, this can be unfamiliar territory, or when we do raise our voices, we can be perceived as sharp and brittle or simply a difficult bitch. We need to become better at unlocking our voices and being heard; one approach is through somatic practices.
In the Chinese understanding, straight, direct lines are considered yang, while circles and spheres are yin. One may appear to go to the heart of a situation faster, yet the less direct approach may be more persuasive while avoiding the negativity that a yang approach brings when women take this path. Yin is not weaker than yang; it is just different, like water moving around a rock. The yang approach, meanwhile, is to break the rock and tunnel through it.
The yin approach is to break the silence using an understanding of sacred geometry within our female form. Somatically, we can teach our bodies that working with circles and spheres is our natural way to meet our challenges, to say no, yet to be clearly heard and acknowledged. It creates less tension and is far less depleting of our much-needed Yin energy in perimenopause and menopause.
If this feels jarring to you, I invite you to join me in some practice movements and feel them rather than try to argue rationally. I have been recording a series of practices that will go out to my subscribers in the coming weeks. These practices help us make waves without conflict, rebirth our creative energy, and connect to our hearts above and below the horizon.
Thriving Thru Menopause Podcast
Over the last two weeks, we have been discussing cravings, something many women in perimenopause are familiar with. I am also sharing insights from physiological and psychological angles with functional practitioner Dr Jessie Hehmeyer and clinical psychologist Dr Glenn Livingstone.
What was highlighted was the better-known importance of diet and sleep as supportive ways to help manage our cravings. We also need to recognize that beyond physiology, our reptilian brain can be working against us; like I often say, we are born with a tricky thinky brain that isn't always our best friend.
The food industry knows how to exploit our brain’s natural tendencies to make us return again and again to satisfy our cravings in ways that are not positive for our health and well-being. Plus, we can feel deep shame for our habits and our weight gain, which hinders our ability to make positive changes.
In this week’s episode, I am joined by
to talk about alcohol minimalism. Herr's message to midlife women is uplifting and balanced: that despite the popular narrative of alcohol abstinence in perimenopause being essential, it is OK to enjoy the occasional alcoholic drink if you choose to without feeling guilty or it being detrimental to your health.You can tune into the episodes here on Substack or Apple or anywhere you listen to podcasts https://www.thrivethrumenopause.com/
Shoutout
One of my favorite people here on Substack
and her podcast is coming back after a break. If you’ve not tuned in before, here is some background info, plus a sneak peek of what’s coming up.Hotflash Inc. is an evidence-based, expert-led, and human-experience-driven podcast that seeks the truth about perimenopause, menopause, and beyond.
Across more than 100 episodes, menopause and midlife journalist and host Ann Marie McQueen has spoken to a wide range of experts from around the globe, including practitioners, activists, researchers, doctors and industry leaders, about this perplexing transition we still know too little about. She’s talked about her own frustrations and personal experiences. And she has connected with a perimenoposse of powerful women in the midst of a perplexing transition.
Hotflash Inc. is among the top 1.5 percent of podcasts in the world, according to Listen Notes. It was named the #1 podcast in women’s health in August 2023 by GOODPODS. The podcast also welcomes aboard a new sponsor: MIDI Health, the US holistic virtual care clinic offering insurance-covered care offered by perimenopause and menopause specialists.
In the first episode, journalist and host Ann Marie McQueen interviews Lara Briden, an expert in women's health and author of the new book Metabolism Repair for Women (available as The Metabolism Reset in Australia and New Zealand).
Upcoming guests include:
- 80s supermodel Kim Alexis talking about staying healthy, making friends in midlife, and why she loves testosterone pellets
- Joe Sealey, aka The Menopause Man from TikTok, on how to be a supportive husband (that’s what he is to Nicole Sealey, star of The Real Housewives of Cheshire and a woman who is hormonal as we are)
- Dr. Erin Leigh Conneally, an integrative physician and author of The Cancer Revolution, with some eye-opening takes on how we can mitigate our cancer risks, aging, and the power of hormone therapy (and what those risks really are)
Hotflash Inc. podcast is available on Apple, Spotify, and wherever you get your podcasts.
Until next week, go well
Clarissa x