In my experience, many women find that going into perimenopause can make their minds, lives, and homes feel cluttered. Often perimenopause is truly colliding with increased responsibility and stress on all fronts. All of which can exacerbate feelings of frustration, worry, and anxiety or dial up the brain fog.
And as perimenopause evolves into menopause and early post menopause this coincides with a junction in our lives when children, if we have them, start to leave home. And we often find ourselves questioning our career directions and our closest relationships. Many divorces occur at this time, often initiated by women. And many women have resigned from corporate careers to pursue other avenues. Yes, there can even be a compulsion to clear out everything!
I have heard this time called The Yard Sale of Our Lives. The impulse to clear can be so fierce that we wake up one morning and know that the way we have done things for years, highly competent and successful, is over and no longer who we are.
It is so strong that we can find ourselves seized by this urgency without due thought. Menopause and the time that follows are uncompromising. Our deep self delivers a solid and clear message that we can no longer compromise who we are and what we do.
I certainly experienced that myself at 53 when I put my apartment in Bondi up for sale on a whim. I loved my unit on Simpson Street despite the body corporate shit fights, the battles with mould and the unruly birds of paradise that took over the flower beds. But suddenly it was up for sale, the cupboards emptied and a yard sale of epic proportions was held in our garden.
When I came to Sweden a few years later I had 26 boxes left, which was still too much. It was filled with stuff I was guilty to rid myself of. Things that had lingered from childhood with warnings that these were of critical value and not to be squandered or used in some cases.
In honesty, I can say that when we had a break-in in the basement area of our apartment block in Gothenburg and several boxes of stuff were stolen, I felt relief. And now with the decision to return home to Australia, I have been on a mission since the early summer to release everything that no longer serves me.
As I began to sort these belongings into sell, keep, and throw piles it dawned on me that the stories that surrounded much of these ‘family’ possessions were just that- stories. Built up to create an image of who we wanted to be, not who we were. Having done the Alchemy of Menopause with Cathy Skipper I have understood the shame that the women in my motherline carried with them of poverty, illegitimacy, and the fear of being found out. They had accumulated and derived stories around possessions, especially my grandmother, to be accepted in society. And how much those things and the value and meaning attached to them had shaped my own life and view of myself.
The biggest outward example of that was an 84-piece cutlery set. All my life it had lived wrapped in felt, only to be brought out on ‘special’ occasions. It was a heirloom handed on over the generations - but was it? On close examination, it was silver plate and the pieces didn’t match, they were cobbled together to look like a set. I bundled it into a box drove to the tip and poured the contents into the metal recycling skip. I felt a moment of release, of freedom from stories and pretense, of needing to hide behind a mask.
If you are in perimenopause or around menopause and having feelings of wanting to hold the yard sale of your life maybe think of it as leaving one country to find another. In this new land, there are new rules, which are all laid down by you! Menopause is ultimately about you coming home to yourself. A Course Correction where old identities are left behind, and we can stand more authentically in the world. Finally, recognise who we are and what is most important to us.
If you are interested in redefining menopause as a time of growth and empowerment. Learn to integrate its transformations with grace and wisdom, shedding fears of aging and embracing your authentic self then I highly recommend the Alchemy of Menopause course. You can learn more and sign up for the next course which starts in the year here. Using this link you get 10% off ( and I get some small remuneration too) https://members.menopausealchemy.com/~access/a1c14f/
NEWS! Thriving Thru Menopause Podcast
This week’s episode out on Wednesday is the last ever episode and I am delighted that it is my good friend Tania Elfersly who will join me. Almost four years ago she was one of my first guests and her uncompromising approach to perimenopause and menopause has been unwavering. I hope you will join us.
Love and light
Clarissa x
I had never thought about this phase of life as a yard sale, but it feels exactly like that. So much change! I'm also trying to clear out the extra stuff in my house; your words ring true about items from childhood or that were passed down and their perceived value. The thought of letting go of these things initially brings anxiety, but the moment after I to drop them off to be donated, I always feel relief. Thank you for putting into words some of the feelings I've been experiencing recently.