I went MIA because I am honoring my mental health journey
Kindfulness has been my anchor and how it could help you.
I tend to over-commit; I think it stems from my days of wanting to be liked and not knowing how to say NO or having the patience to say yes but later.
I broke my contract with myself at the end of last year when I promised myself to focus only on completing my advanced Women’s Qigong certification by March. I was offered the opportunity to write a book based on the podcast, and it was a great opportunity. However, I was blind to what it takes to bring a book to life and nurture it through the early days. I have over 40 PR requests and follow-ups, radio interviews, TV slots, and articles to write and review. That requires focus not a multitasking mindset.
After a decade of practising mindfulness for myself and supporting other women, I am better at noticing the shifts that come when my system is rocked. And to step in before things get out of hand, I find myself facing burnout or another depressive episode. So, for the sake of my mental health, I chose to go MIA here on Substack and social media and pace the podcast to biweekly. I created space for more BEING, not only doing.
The good news is that after much imposter syndrome BS, I submitted my final practice video for my accreditation as a Radiant Lotus women’s qigong advanced instructor. I did 3 takes before I was confident and then let something that was at least 80% correct through. I am grateful to my teacher, Master Daisy Lee, for her continued email support and for being gentle with me; her words, ‘I don’t want you to become a wilting lotus’, touched my heart.
This time out from social media and writing has given me time to complete, get on top of things, and listen to my body, mind, and soul. They are often all crying out for attention. Meditating or gazing at nature is great, but it is easy to forget to exercise, which is vital for my mental health.
I have made myself get out and walk daily, do 20 minutes of morning Qigong, and go back to my anchor for strength training: Heather Robertson's 60 days of great videos are my go-to. I aim for 3 a week, although she recommends 5.
But more than that: I have been a great friend to myself, and to practising kindfulness.
What is kindfulness?!
Ten years ago, I came across the beautiful work of Ajahn Brahm, a book called Kindfulness. What intrigued me was Brahm’s way of expressing the problem of separating mindfulness and compassion because, let’s face it, they work much better together. It’s also why I chose to become an accredited Breathworks Mindfulness practitioner and not follow my original path of MBSR (mindfulness-based stress reduction), where compassion gets tacked on after you qualify.
Let’s take a closer look at mindfulness. What is mindfulness, anyway? There are tonnes of definitions of mindfulness out there, sure. But let’s pick one and think of mindfulness as “cultivating a present–state awareness” that helps you be nonreactive.
WHAT IS KINDFULNESS?
Kindfulness reminds us to be forgiving and friendly towards ourselves and others as we advance our present state awareness practice.
Mindfulness without kindness is missing something; it becomes a bit cold and boring. And I can’t imagine kindness without mindfulness either. How can you be kind if you’re not even remotely aware of what you’re trying to be kind to?
The foundation of well-being begins with the balance of mind, body and spirit, and dis-ease is initiated without awareness of when this balance is disturbed. How can we give our bodies what they cry out for if we can’t hear them? Of course, this isn’t the sole answer to restoring wellbeing, but it’s a darn good start!
What I love about this practice I’m about to share with you is this – no matter what your time management, health or even money situation is, this is a gift you can give yourself whenever and wherever you like. I think of it as creating a sacred space for me to hang and connect with myself – to listen to my body, bring everything back to the centre and rebalance. It is a place I make room to cultivate joy, forgiveness and to exercise self-compassion.
Introduction to Kindfulness
Feel free to modify this exercise to make it your own.
Find a quiet and comfortable place. Sitting is best, with hands placed together in front of the heart. This will help you stay focused on your heart's centre rather than getting lost in your thoughts.
Start by closing your eyes and taking some slow and gentle breaths. Inhale for 3-4 seconds, then exhale through your mouth, ensuring you can hear your breath on the way out.
How does your body feel? Is it tight or tense in certain areas? Are you feeling stressed or anxious? Rather than dwelling on each symptom, observe what you are feeling.
Now, start breathing gently at your own pace, following your body's natural rhythms. Pay attention to what you observe. You can deepen this practice by starting at the top of your head and slowly scanning down through your face, neck, and upper torso until you reach your feet. Mindfulness is about being aware and acknowledging the feedback your body is giving you.
It's time to show some love, warmth, and kindness to any feelings of stress or tension you may have. Hold those feelings tenderly, as you would a newborn or a tiny flower. Greet them lovingly and continue breathing gently. Visualize a warm, thick, gold, melting liquid slowly flowing down from the top of your head to your feet as you scan and observe. Remember to smile gently while doing so to deepen the practice and your intention.
(Key Tip: This process has no time limit. Take as long as you need. If your mind wanders, gently bring it back to your body.)
Now, bring your focus back to your breath. Observe any new feelings that arise. You may notice feelings of warmth, joy, relaxation, and calm. Or perhaps you still feel a sense of anxiety but with more ease this time. Either way, it's okay. Notice that there may be new space around these emotions where you can tend to them deeper without judgment.
Balance is returning to my work life, even as my personal life goes through a time of change as I prepare to return to Australia—a return to country—that has been long on the cards. But it has been interrupted by COVID and an overzealous tenacity to make a relationship work that is fundamentally broken at its core. More on honouring our needs post-menopause will be discussed in next week’s post.
with warmth and kindness
Clarissa x
You can get your copy of new book Beyond Hormones: 7 Holistic Ways to Thrive Through Menopause here.
You can also check out me out on Insight Timer where I have posted several meditations for menopause.